Setting and Sticking to Healthy Boundaries

When it comes to physical property, setting boundaries is as simple as placing a fence that divides your space from your neighbor’s — it is not as easy when talking about relationships. Healthy boundaries in relationships are pivotal, but they are often highly challenging to set in place and enforce. And it seems that the closer the relationship, the tougher it can be.

Setting healthy boundaries requires some introspective work on your part to understand your values while also requiring that you communicate honestly with your loved one to ensure those values are respected. Learn more about what healthy relationship boundaries are and how to set them.

What Is a Healthy Boundary?

Healthy boundaries are s or limits you can set within a relationship that helps you and your loved one define what is or is not ‘okay.’ They enforce how you want to be treated. You can set boundaries for your:

• Sexuality

• Personal space

• Culture and religion

• Thoughts and emotions

• Time and energy

• Possessions

When setting boundaries, it is crucial to remember that you are choosing what you will allow, not what the other person must do. These boundaries can help you solidify your identity and create mental space for yourself.

Benefits of Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Most of the time, people assume boundaries push others away, but the opposite is actually true.

Healthy boundaries in relationships help to improve your self-esteem, which is crucial for your mental health, as well as your relationship.

Clear limits can ensure the relationship remains healthy and safe. You can grow even closer when you trust each other.

Boundaries can also help you conserve your emotional energy. Helping someone out if they are in a bind can be an important part of a relationship, but needing to provide constant emotional support can be draining, leading to emotional exhaustion.

Boundaries can also help you grow because they create space. You do not have to feel smothered by the other person in the relationship, which could easily lead to resentment that erodes the bond in your relationship.

setting Healthy Boundaries — and Enforcing Them

By following a few tips, you can be on your way to building healthy boundaries that can help you and your loved ones.

Understand Your Needs and Phrase Them Correctly

Before you can set any boundaries, you need to know where your line in the sand is. Remember that the boundaries are for you, not for others. That is because you cannot change others, you can only change your response to their actions.

For example, instead of setting a boundary like, “No one can call me after nine at night,” you can set one like, “After nine at night, I try to focus on myself/my family. So, I do not answer the phone and just let whoever is calling leave a message.” That takes power out of others’ hands and gives it back to you.

Assess your values to see where you need to add boundaries. What do you hold sacred? Are those values being respected? If they are not, it would be important to begin adding boundaries.

Learn to Say No

“No” is a complete sentence. It is also a very difficult one to say. Whether in social or work relationships, saying yes to everything can leave you stretched thin and could result in burnout from being overworked.

Saying “no” can also sometimes come with feeling as though you need to explain yourself. That is not necessary. Providing an explanation can be additional emotional labor.

However – saying things in a way that others can ‘hear you’ is also important. If you are saying ‘no’ because you have prior commitments or because a boundary is especially important to you, sharing that information can foster better understanding within your relationships.

Communication Is Key

You cannot expect others to guess what your boundaries are. Clear communication is important but remember to phrase the boundaries in a way that demonstrates you are in control of them.

Make sure to also state the consequences of someone ignoring those boundaries. You do not have to be defensive but offer a full understanding of what you will and will not tolerate.

Follow Through

If someone ignores your boundaries, addressing that would be important. If you do not, you are sending the signal that you do not take your own boundaries seriously.

Maintaining boundaries requires repetition and daily practice. A lot of that work falls to you, so be watchful and continue to reinforce your values.

Respect Others’ Boundaries

An important aspect of maintaining boundaries in a relationship involves respecting those of others. Ask for clarifications if you are not sure. You can encourage one another to continue building a healthier relationship.

Evaluate the Outcomes

It can help to periodically evaluate whether your boundaries are working and, if not, why. The other person could be ignoring them, or you might have had trouble clarifying them. It can take some introspection to know which of these issues applies, but once you realize the answer, you can then take the next steps.

Walk Away from Unhealthy Relationships

If setting boundaries has not worked and your needs continue to go ignored, it may be time to move on. Only you can make this decision, but it may be the appropriate one if you do not feel you are valued in the relationship. This does not only apply to romantic ones, either, but to all relationships.

Talk to a Therapist

Often, people assume that therapists are only an option if you have a mental health condition, but therapists can be helpful when dealing with any issues that affect your emotional and psychological well-being. If you see that you are having trouble setting clear boundaries or you can’t get others to respect them, a therapist can help.

The mental health professionals of Wellness Links have the training and expertise to help you through the process of understanding the need for and setting appropriate boundaries.

Let Yourself Flourish by Setting Healthy Boundaries

It is common for people to assume that setting boundaries in any relationship is a sign that something is wrong. In fact, the opposite is true. Setting healthy boundaries can allow you to enjoy friendships and romantic relationships much more because you know your needs will not be trampled.

Notes

How To Set Healthy Boundaries In Relationships. (2022, July 11). Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-set-boundaries

Blouin, M. (2022, April 15). Research review shows self-esteem has long-term benefits. UC Davis. https://www.ucdavis.edu/curiosity/news/research-review-shows-self-esteem-has-long-term-benefits

Hanson, J. (2020, July 30). Emotional Exhaustion during Times of Unrest. Mayo Clinic Health System. https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/emotional-exhaustion-during-times-of-unrest

Hinton, A. O., McReynolds, M. R., Martinez, D., Shuler, H. D., & Termini, C. M. (2020). The power of saying no. EMBO Reports, 21(7). https://doi.org/10.15252/embr.202050918